Same Blog, Different Spin

IMG_0154If we would have met when I was in my early 20s and you would have asked “where do you see yourself in ten years”? My reply would have gone something like this, “Married, 4 or 5 kids, pastor’s wife, serving my Savior in my local church”. Simple vision, not glamorous, and, one would think, easily attainable.

Fast forward ten or so years and reality is very different from my dreams. Single. No kids (but, a dog that is spoiled rotten). Health Problems. Two Jobs. Going back to school. Serving my Savior in my local church. My plans and God’s plans were very different. Almost everything I’d hoped for hasn’t happened. (Spoiler: And I’m totally okay with that!)

I remember loving Carolyn McCulley in my early 20s. I loved her books , loved hearing her speak, and I regularly read her blog. ::Pause:: Shameless plug for Carolyn’s books. If you haven’t read them, do yourself a favor and buy one now! ::Pause Complete:: She was (and is) a role model to me on living a godly life as a single woman. There was only one thing I wished fervently as I listened to her countless times, “God, please, please don’t allow me to be an older single woman. I don’t want to be in my mid-30s and still be single.” I smile every time I think of this. The very thing I so desperately did not want is the very thing God, in His infinite wisdom, gave me.

So, what does all of this have to do with my blog? I have had a growing burden for single people, especially single women. There are some excellent books written on singleness. I mean, top-notch, biblical, out of the park books. But, few people seem to talk honestly about what it’s like to be a single Christian. And hardly anyone talks about the unique challenges of an older single Christian in a mostly married Christian culture. No one talks about the challenges, the joys, the hilarious stories, and the heartbreaking pain a single walks through. I have the unique privilege to be in a church that loves and cares for me deeply. But, I have watched other singles withdraw, leave, or listlessly attend churches that, in my opinion, don’t really know how to care for them.

But, before you think that my “new” blog is going to be a pity and bash the church party, think again. As difficult as my life has been, I wouldn’t trade it for anything! It has become the most beautiful, joy-filled, painful walk of faith. My relationship with my Savior has blossomed in ways I could have only imagined in my 20s. And there is NOTHING I love more that Christ’s bride, His Church. The last thing I ever want to do is smear mud on His bride.

So…what then, you might ask? I simply want to blog about life, raw unfiltered life. About the joys and struggles of being a Christian. Because I’m a Christian first and a single second. My prayer is that this blog is encouraging to young single women and to gracefully aged single women. I pray this blog will encourage married women. I know it can be hard to pray for, encourage, and support someone when you don’t understand where they are coming from. I pray this blog gives you a little insight into the head of at least one single woman (trust me we’re all different!). I also like to write and this blog is a helpful way to document my thoughts. I may not write all that consistently (two jobs and college makes things busy), but I hope and pray that what I write glorifies the Trinity and encourages a few people as they transverse this journey towards the Celestial City.


2 thoughts on “Same Blog, Different Spin

  1. Thanks, Mr. C! I pray that God brings you some awesome friends to walk out this new season with!

  2. Jess… I appreciate your heart and your passion to serve the single women in your life. It’s funny how our ideas seem to be nothing like what God has in mind sometimes… Although my circumstances are uniquely different (I have been married – twice), if you had asked me as recently as four years ago what my plans were and what I thought my life would look like in another five years, my answer would have been nothing like my reality. To be 62, single and alone – living in a new place, in a new church, making new friends… It is very different from what I thought it would be. And like you, I have found myself in a unique group of people in a church where there are so many couples (and young, mind you!). Divorced, approaching Senior Citizenship, friendless (mostly). Where do I fit? I’m no longer married, so I don’t fit with the marrieds (young or old); I’m too old to be in the singles group (I think it cuts off at 40); and lastly, I found that after my wife left I was suddenly unapproachable. People didn’t know what to do – I was no longer a couple, but I wasn’t really a single. They didn’t know if they should feel sorry for me (and I’m certain there were some that had thoughts that I must have done something horrible to merit this sudden change in status). NOW, like you, this is not a church bash or pitty party for yours truly. I understand the awkwardness of my situation, and people are “human.” And God has used these last three years to perfect in me a new man with new passions and new vision. It has been bittersweet, His molding of this old man.

    So, to the rest of the world who looks at us and sees us as odd, what is the answer? I would say to remember the “One Another’s” – love one another, be kind to one another, compassionate to one another… Never loose sight of the fact that we are all brothers and sisters in the Lord, regardless of our status.

    I look forward to sitting at His banqueting table with you one day ~

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